Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
