There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
