why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
