she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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