If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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