My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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