Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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