Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
pop tarts are not kleenex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
