Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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