there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
