I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I look better un-naked...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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