they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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