And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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