i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize