my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
