do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
