Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
