just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
