the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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