I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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