I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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