Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
