I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
