I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
