I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
