we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
