He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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