belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize