I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
