I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
