I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
bring money and cleavage
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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