I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
