i was born a porn star she said
you win again, gameday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
