There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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