i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
