I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
