Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
