so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
