i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
