M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
