He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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