addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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