i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize