Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
