walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
