if i can run in heels then i can drive
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
