never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
