bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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