Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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