im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
