she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
