Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
