So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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