so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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