2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dicks are not precious.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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