I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
