it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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