Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
