this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize