Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
