Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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