you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
