i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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