I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
