he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize