did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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