Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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