READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
