Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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