A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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