Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
