Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize